This subject will probably be the most boring section of anything I write. But I guess its needed to give you some perspective on where I’m coming from.
I grew up in a broken household as one of six children. I got the magic curse and blessing of being the youngest, by many years. My parents, who were married for over 23 yrs, got divorced while I was young.
Before I knew it my mom started dating, quickly, my stepdad. To this day I considered him as the person who raised me - even though they’re no longer married and he’s no longer in my life.
I grew up watching my four sisters all get pregnant by the age of 20. One of them had two kids by 18. I'd watch their constant struggle with motherhood. I can’t really say that any of them were spectacular moms when they were young and it truly burned the thought in my mind that I would probably either never have kids or wait a very long time before I did.
My mother was extremely OCD, whatever I did was never good enough. Because of this she always ended up cleaning my room, I grew up with no responsibilities, but I did suffer true wrath when my room wasn’t cleaned. I contribute this childhood experience as to why I almost horde everything or am not as clean as my husband, who sadly is quite like my mom with cleanliness, (fuck me).
At a young age of 17, my mother moved across the country and gave me the option of staying behind or going with her. I thought she was crazy. I decided to get a roommate and move out on my own. Probably one of the best things that ever happened to me. Though it will strain my relationship with my mother, subconsciously, for the rest of our lives.
When I was 24, I met my current husband through a mutual friend at a Christmas party. When we first met, I was taken back. He was in the military and he had just moved to the area. My biological sperm donor was in the navy and we moved around a lot and because of it and I never wanted to live that kind of life. So for Paul to be in the military, for reasons of my own, and reasons of his (to this day I say was commitment issues) we tried not being together. I didn’t want to lead a military life, or raise my kids in it.
The harder we tried to stay apart, the more we ended up liking each other, till ultimately we got married in 2009.
Being a military wife is one of the hardest yet rewarding experiences ever. When we were stationed on the west coast, my husband was gone almost every month for some type of training exercise or mission. I got use to being on my own a lot and started relying a lot more heavily on my friendships. Since the majority of my family is spread across the country, my friends became my family. Their advice I sought out or took because they really knew me and they really knew a lot.
February 2009 changed my life forever. My husband deployed to Iraq, leaving life and me behind for a full year. I always tell people that I grew up a lot while my husband was in Iraq. I learned the true meaning of being alone, and the truth about which friendships were the ones that would stick around.
Because I learned so much and grew up fast while Paul was deployed, our first talks about babies began while he was deployed. I never really considered being a parent till I realized how much I loved Paul and how amazing it would be to have a kid with him.
I think thats truly when the planning began, or when my single life was really over. I had no fucking clue what I was doing and I think that is part of the support I received from my friends - whom I thought were great parents. I always ask people “Why re-create the wheel?”. So much knowledge is passed down from generations or from friends who just went through it. I don’t see the point on struggling on your own.
I was the abnormal military wife who also carried a full-time job. I didn’t relate to most other military moms and deemed it a huge lack of support when it came to any advice. For the record; there is nothing wrong with a military wife whom doesn’t work, it just wasn’t my situation. Military wives who don’t work didn’t understand my situation of having to juggle both a career and a baby on top of being a military spouse. The military always comes first and I knew that going into a marriage and a pregnancy. I began to continue to heavily lean on friends. Being a military spouse is unique and not very many people understand it.
Parenting is different when you’re life is the military. A lot more is left to the responsibility of the non-military parent.
When I became pregnant, the advice of other parents became so significant I sought it out constantly. I even sometimes got the shitty unwanted advice.
Our circle of friends whom we really value their opinion and experience is sometimes so small and for others, nonexistent. It inspires me to share my experiences and my truths for those whom might be a military spouse themselves, or just a parent seeking advice from others.
So here I am. A wife, a mother, and a blogger.
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